so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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