Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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