Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
