Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
