You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
