I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
