I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she looked like the before picture.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
