One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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