I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
