You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
