Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
50% drunk capacity currently
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
