the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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