im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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