The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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