i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
