Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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