Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
