We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
