i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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