I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
