If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
