the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
