Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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