you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
