i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
birth control should be required to get into college
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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