vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize