in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
