I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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