My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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