I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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