I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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