At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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