she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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