She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize