my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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