I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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