If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
