I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
