So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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