i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
