Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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