i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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