my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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