I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
