his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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