If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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