Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i believe in u and ur pee
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
