I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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