Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
