i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
