Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
