We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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