I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
