All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
