I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
