Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
