So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
