If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
