Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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