Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Drunk walkin through police station. America
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
