I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
