I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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