Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
