Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Randomize
