listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
