I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
