Me. At least after what I've been through.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
