he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
