the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
