i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
