dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
