chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
