You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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