she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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