They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
