If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
