I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
farters have to be the big spoon...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
