i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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