Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
