We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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