I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
