return my video game
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
