And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
