Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
