I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize