I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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