i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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