I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
