I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
