brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
