question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
