I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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