I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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