who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
