I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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